There is so much noise clambering at us every single day or so it seems but actually there is a lot of quiet if you choose it or so I am finding but I have to seek out the quiet and the still and the soft comfort that exists in the not knowing.
I recently did a purge of so much of the stuff that accumulated over the course of the past decade since we moved into our house and then all the stuff that came with us in that move. I am an accumulator of stuff and I realize that it goes something like this:
- get all passionate and excited about X
- gear up because X requires supplies
- obsess about the gear and accumulate like a madwoman
- spend a whole lot of time forsaking all else in the pursuit of X
- burn out
- get all passionate about Y
There were a lot of Xs and Ys over the course of the past 10 years and there was a lot of accumulation of stuff, so much so that even if I got a desire to go back and do X, I was so overwhelmed by the associated gear, that starting something new seemed easier and so I became addicted to the process of pursuing a passion instead of actually falling in love with the process of creating, of making art.
A few years ago, I pretty much stopped making art of any sort and instead focused on other things like triathlons and training; gardening and makeup and skincare. Again, following the process bullet-ed above.
What was clear to me during the process of ruthlessly purging the contents of my house was that I actually do enjoy all the various passions I have developed and I did pretty much keep the gear necessary to do said passions but I got rid of all the excess and only kept the bare bones of what was needed. For example, I now own 10 cameras instead of 50 because who needs 50 cameras??!! I sure didn't. The 10 I kept store nicely in the glassed in cabinet that used to house my granny's curling trophies and they are easily accessed as are all of the associated camera lenses and bits. Having less actually feels like having more.
What else became clear to me is that I need a new process because the old process no longer works for me if it ever did. The old process is a result of a life time of not having any money and hoarding what I had because it had to last a lifetime, it is an old way of thinking that no longer applies to my situation because if I need something, I can go and buy it and it was that deep rooted understanding that allowed me to pass along the bins and bins of clothing to someone else. Even though I live in a landscape that has incredibly diverse weather seasons, I realized that it was unnecessary to have bins dividing those seasons, the bins were actually a way to hold on to the unnecessary. Everything I own now fits into my closet and dresser. I only kept what I love and what I will wear and I have no problem getting rid of things to make room for the new should the urge come about which it likely will because my likes change over time, as they should.
And my home bereft of all the stuff has brought an ease into my life and time seems stretched out now and I am ready both emotionally and physically to pursue my passions again knowing I have all the tools. But I am starting anew without a blueprint and it feels a little scary. What will I create and will it enrich my already content life. I certainly hope so. There is nothing to accumulate, there is no need to obsess like a mad woman. I can just do and see where it takes me and so I head out into the unknown, knowing that it really isn't that scary because that is life, one big walk into the unknown.