birthdays and buttons

Well, the coming of my birthday has arrived, the all important 35 which I have somehow been dreading ... its weird really 'cause 30 didn't faze me and I'm sure that 40 will be exhilerating but 25 bothered me and now 35 is bothering me. I know, I know, I have great genes and still look as though I am 25 but really its not about looks. Its a milestone of sorts and I'm not exactly sure what it means to be 35. Everything has changed in my life in the past year and I am somehow feeling as though I am on some weird track, in sych with population data and all that and I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing. I have nothing to really feel angsty about except for the fact that I have nothing to feel angsty about ... grrrrr ... I am a whack job, its true! Its odd 'cause when I was in my twenties, I would have been ecstatic to have a birthday fall on a Saturday - the boozing and debauchery with a lovely sleep in the next day. Strangely, it doesn't matter to me this year, I mean a wednesday or a saturday, its all the same. When do we stop feeling like birthdays are exciting wonderous moments in time? I can see getting excited about my 40th though and perhaps throwing a big party at home and passing out over my toilet after everyone has gone but not this year.So, inquiring minds want to know what is planned for this momentous occasion and I am at a loss. Could it be that I don't really want to celebrate, silly me ... I will have to send out an e-mail with some sort of decision in the very near future, i.e. today/tomorrow morning at the latest. Blerg .. if anyone has any ideas, please send me an e-mail with said suggestion that would be awesome. Otherwise I have a feeling its going to be Savoy, Saturday night at around 7:00ish 'cause I'm getting old and can't stay out to late, hahahaha. I would actually love to do something like go skating and then have a potluck but unfortunately the skating rinks are not yet open though the toboganning hills are but I don't have a device for sliding, shucks! There is always Martini's -downtown which might be nice and away from the ever popluar Whyte Avenue, hmmm actually that sounds nice and different. Blerg, I do not know... maybe senility is setting in. Interestingly enough, last night was Grey Cup and great sports fan that I am I had no idea until dropping Aiden off at his dad's and noticing the game on tv. It was nice 'cause the Whyte ave streets were empty and the Savoy had a dropping of people in it drinking in the comfort of no big screen sports screaming at you, ahhhhhh ... we left about the time the game ended and judging from the horn honks and screaming people and the sudden flood of traffic, the Eskimo's won. I don't understand the excitement that people go through, I mean its not like they were playing and won. Having participated in sports, I understand how great it feels to win when you are playing and I understand how great it feels watching people you know win so I suppose it stands to reason that if you watch all the time you come to feel like they are your family of sorts and so get excited? I dunno - I guess its just not my thing! c'est la vie. I have been a bit out of sorts and not at all in the mood for frivolity and have been feeling quite hermit-like. I think I am a social introvert which goes with my sag-scorpio cusp like tendancies. A work in contradiction really and find it difficult to reconcile my differences. I should really stop rambling and get some work done here otherwise I will definitely not feel like celebrating on Saturday. Thirty-five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty-five for years.~ Oscar Wilde Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his effort is his own personality.~ Erich Fromm