A lost memory

I have been busy trying to pretend that Spring is around the corner. In my attempt to delude myself to the cold steel winds, I have been spring cleaning my office. A much needed exercise let me tell you. While going through my files I came across a site visit folder. This particular site visit was held in the Intensive Care Unit at the University Hospital, mere months after my sister had died in said ward. I was unable to take the tour down the hall to where my grief had been so routed for the months she was in there. Tucked in the folder I found a piece of writing. I must have written it in the boardroom while everyone else was doing the tour.

"Four months sitting, visiting, living in this space. Intimate yet distanced from the array. Sleeping in the last days never wanting to return yet here I am unable to walk down the halls where I watched you grow weak and braided your hair beaded love until you finally released yourself from the smells of familiar hallways. I am rendered weak and lost and unable to proceed into the array of scented smells and coloured wandering wills of lost time and flowing tears freely as despair and cannot wander through again. Smile can I as I'm lost in you and the loss of a part of me."

And so over a year later, here I sit in cubicle wonder with a tear sliding unchecked down my cheek.

The cold, well, it ain't so bad afterall.