sun, spring and asthma

Tired and ready for the flourescent trap of beige cubicle walls pushing in on me to end. The sun is shining, the sky is blue and sparkles drip down the glass buildings of downtown madness. I am really looking forward to escaping outside, Duke picking me up with the moonroof open and Ben Folds blaring out of the stereo.

I want to wander in fields of dandelions ... hah! Not really given that I would most likely puff up like a balloon and wheeze myself into insomnia. My allergies are at an all time high and my asthma has me wheezing my way through my day, literally. Even with the with wonderful steroids and various inhalation concoctions that I breathe in at regular intervals, I am having problems. I can't take a big breath without sounding like an 80 year old man with emphysema and today I have been in a perpetual state of dizzyness due to lack of oxygen. Even so, I am looking forward to getting outside ... damn asthma is not going to control my life! Besides it can't last forever ... eventually I will be able to breathe like a normal person, well relatively normal.

I wonder what its like to walk through life never having to worry if you are going to be able to get enough air. When I start to have an attack, it feels like I am underwater unable to get air in except I can't lift my head up out of the water and gulp lovely air into my lungs. It truly sucketh. And poor Duke gets stressed and listens to my breathing at night knowing where all my puffers are and constantly ready to grab them for me and worried that I won't get them in time.


I forgot to bring my puffer today and am having problems, think I'll grab a coffee ... the caffiene helps.