sweeping thoughts

Its really difficult to live in this world and not stay in a perpetual state of depression. Looking outwards, looking inwards, there is a constant embodiment of pain and suffering, death and destruction, a seemingly brutalized sense that humanity is worthless. A human life is not respected for the greater good of monied options. The earth is shattered with not a care for the greater good of monied options. The individual buries themselves in work to make enough money to live everyday to work for someone for the greater good of monied options. Went to buy gas last night after work and chugged the zoom zoom over to the pump as we were running on fumes. The place was jammed, there were cars everywhere. We were clueless as to why. What are the odds that all these people were running on fumes, wow ... karmic. Or ... could it be ... why yes ...

Pump prices hit record high here in good ol' Edmonton ... c'est la vie. Prices go up, prices go down. Showing my age here, I remember when I could fill up for less than $10 'course as a reckless teenager I could also by a pack of cigarettes for a couple of bucks. Life changes. On the upside, the computer I priced out 8 months ago was going to cost about $3,500.00 and today I can put together that same computer for about $1,200.00. I think I'll wait until the end of summer because by then I should only have to dish out about $1000. Technology has improved, my needs haven't changed. lovely.

Its really difficult to fight the bay of depression that pushes in and pushes out depending on my perspective on any given day, hour, minute, second. I have to constantly remind myself that it is perspective and not media perspective, not my neighbor down the street's perspective, not the song playing on my stereo's perspective and not the office politico's perspective ... but mine.

I don't have a control over much in this crazy world but I do have control over how I choose to look at it and where I choose to concentrate my efforts. The love in my family, the fact that while the cost of living keeps my get rich schemes in check it doesn't stop me from benefiting in areas that I can and not only can I buy that new computer but I can also buy a new film camera to replace the Olympus that I lost.

I can look at the beauty and optimism in the world and realize that my world may be full of pain and struggle but within that there is beauty and care and life will continue on in new adventure and wondrous stillness.

I feel pretty good today and am choosing to look out of my eyes with bright sunshine and thoughts of all the good things surrounding my life in an array of coloured paperclips molded into seeds of beginnings and kernals of my truths.