life thoughts

I'm tired .. so very very tired and back to dreaming about an existance I cannot seem to carve out for myself. You know those days when you know your life is good and all is well and wonderful and you are strong true blue like the colours of sky, the lake's water well of beauty settling into golden glows of life. And there are those days when you leave work early to spend some time with your lovely son and the neighbourhood kids and mothers and the leaves fall from the trees and childrens' laughter floats and bounces down the block and you realize that you are missing the best parts of life. breathe. You take your camera and you dance in the leaves and capture the sights and sounds and long for a large room full of paints and art and children's laughter and books and computers and darkrooms and dancing dogs and and and ... you wonder why you have to waste your days earning money just to live for a few hours of time here and there and on a weekend's sigh. Its okay .. because I close my eyes and sift through photos and memories and know that I have had many moments of beauty, peace and clarity and somehow find the time in spite of having none to write and paint and dance in the pictures before my eyes and spin artworks in my head that someday will come to fruition. And as a bonus, I get to string together long run on sentences here ... just for fun ... because its my space ... and I can. I get to watch my son laugh and cry and smile and play his life's music with intensity that I understand.Now if I could just figure out how I can get someone to pay me to stay at home and develop my art, watch the leaves fall with Aiden and muse about tomorrow ... well that would be about perfect. Heh heh ... any takers? Yeah, I didn't think so.

No worries ... a long thanksgiving weekend and some relaxation and I'll be right as raindrops reflecting sunlight's puffy clouded beauty.