Life’s Strange Days

Well, if you check out the photoblog, I have updated the pictures from some of this weekend's fun. Am a tired girl living in a tired Monday and I have not been sleeping well at all. Why is it that we get an extra hour to sleep thanks to the daylight savings grace and I am more tired and feel like I have lost ten hours. Well, I have completely lost track as to where I was going with this since I've now had a 20 minute lag due to phone work committments - still tired though ;-)Its a bit disconcerting because my phone tells me its 11:39 when really it is only 10:39 but tell just try and tell my stomach which is incidently growling up a storm and I can only imagine how starving I will be by the time it is actually 12:00, for crying out loud. The world dances onwards throwing forth its gift of life and love and magic. Choice abounds and caring moves us forward. There are people in this life who find themselves in mindsets of hopelessness and disregard for others and who refuse to allow themselves to see the beauty in the crooked tooth and dimpled elbow of garbaged mud. I was in Banff once and took a trip with friends to see the cave and basin. At this historical site, there are naturally occuring, warm mineral springs and outside there is this incredibly beautiful emerald coloured basin. What I found most interesting about this is that the colour is a result of the incredible amount of algae. In the midst of this beauty lives an endangered mollusk, all in all - it is a hideously beautiful example of life and the thriving nature of all things. I say all this because I know someone who refuses to see the beauty inside of their own self and who is willing to throw away the precious beauty that is life, the experience that we are all incredibly lucky to have for such a short period of time. I have gone through my mourning process and sadness and worry and disbelief and shock and uncertainty upon hearing certain news. I am now angry, incredibly angry for the selfish nature of this person and the complete apparent disregard for those people who care about this person. I say disregard and selfishness because though this person intends on throwing away the gift of life, they apparently feel the need to involve others in this sickness and continue to involve people in their life while at the same time telling them what they have planned. I think that many of us have contemplated suicide at one time or another. I know that for myself, the defining point at which I realized it was not then nor ever an option for me was when I understood what that would mean to the people I would be leaving behind. I would never be able to leave behind that kind of legacy to those that I love. In this world, it is sometimes difficult to find acceptance, however, it is not impossible - which is why I cannot comprehend for even a moment, how someone could choose to do something which will leave behind such a great amount of pain to the children left behind, the friends, the parents, the family and even the doctors and support groups whom are left to experience the failure of working so hard to help. It also adds a new statistic to a group already ravaged by suicide and sends a message of hopelessness to those who are experiencing the same pain of trying to reconcile their diagnosis with the world around them. I cannot write about this in any coherent way at the moment but I will be in the future am I sure ... for now however I must find a way to soothe the growl in my stomach and finish up some work before lunch. Perhaps I will discover the beauty in the piles of paper covering the surfaces of my space.