for the longest time, i fought this life and spent a hellavu lot of time dreaming about some perfect way of living that existing far out there in the future. in these dreams, i always ate healthy and had plenty of time to cook fresh beautiful meals. the reality was that i would come home exhausted and reach for the can of mush or dial the local pizza delivery or you know rip open that bag of nachos and dump cheese over top and go to town. that seems like a long time ago now. months and months ago, i wrote this quote on the chalkboard wall in my bedroom, a constant reminder,
"look closely at the present you are constructing: it should look like the future you are dreaming" (alice walker)
so simple right. and yet somehow it continues to blow my mind just a little bit. the best things i have found are both simple and complex all at the same time. anyway, i haven't been spending a lot of time dreaming these days because mostly i feel sort of like i tumbled down the rabbit hole and found myself living my dreams. nothing has really changed per say but at the same time everything has changed. i live in the same house and i commute to work the same way i have for years upon years. i still have a husband and a son and two sons whose ashes live in urns in my bedroom. i still miss my sister and still sometimes dream about her and we are always snuggled up together in that way that sisters do. the facts are all the same but i am different. this year changed me. and i am still trying to sort that fact out in my head. change sometimes happens while we are busy living our lives, putting our attention and focus on very specific things, like that quote, bright chalk on a wall that i see daily. it had an affect that i am only starting to realize.
and i have been slow moving and happy. and last night, i came home and chopped up some tomatoes from my garden,
i also chopped up a red onion from my garden, and a whole lot of garlic and a habenero pepper and some basil. i threw it all in a pan with some olive oil and oregano and then threw in a whole lot of fresh spinach,
in the meantime, some brown rice pasta was thrown into another pot and by the time it looked like this,
the pasta was done. i rinsed and dumped the pasta in, mixed and served up in bowls with a sprinkling of cheese (feta is best) and some chopped avocado and in less than 15 minutes was eating a healthy yummy meal.
this has been my norm now for more months than i can remember. i still often come home tired and hungry, though less often than before. i can't remember the last time i slumped in and sighed loudly and lamented that i didn't feel like cooking. pizza what? almost everything i cook takes less than 15 minutes to prepare. i have even taken to soaking dried beans over night and popping them into the slow cooker with onions and broth and while that seems like it takes a long time, the prep is less than 15 minutes.
i have more time than i have ever had before. i feel healthy and grounded and light. i have more energy than ever before. "look closely at the present you are constructing: it should look like the future you are dreaming". indeed.