when i feel fragile, i remember that i am gently held in this world by so many. our collective experiences are vastly different and yet so very similar at the core of it all.
and today a friend posted some snow tulips and i remembered photos i had done of tulips in the snow once and so i went looking for them. 7 years ago. how can it have been so long ago and then i realize that it has been years since i have intentionally taken photos with my very expensive paper weights of cameras and lenses. okay, that is not entirely true, i have recently started taken photos again for self portrait compositing but it is slow going. a weekend here, an hour there. as i looked back at all the photos i used to take, my mouth sort of dropped open. and then i remember that i used to carry one or two or three cameras with me everywhere and the thought of doing that again feels exhausting and not where i want to be right now.
we change and we grow and we stagnate and we lose ourselves and we find ourselves and our passions burn hot and we burn out and rest and our passions change and alter and my life feels like the same old same old until i look back at where i have been.
recently, i have been feeling a little lost, like i exited a path that i knew and now i am lost in the vines and brambles of a pathless forest. i can see the moon changes and i can feel the sun on my face and i know north from south and east from west but i don't know where i am going and which direction i should take next.
and i guess that is okay because eventually i will get somewhere and actually right here is not so bad anyway, so maybe i will take a rest and wait for the tulips or the next snowfall.